PART TIME ARTIST
- LOLA J. ESPEJO
- Jul 9, 2024
- 4 min read
The first time I wrote a song I did it out of pure necessity. I’ve always loved singing, but back in 2019 a new need arose in me: writing my own songs. At that moment my alter ego, LA PAINS, was born, my greatest blessing and my worst curse, all at the same time. Below I explain the beautiful and the ugly parts of my experience as an emerging artist, or "The perks of being a part time artist". I emphasize that it is my experience because obviously this journey is not the same for all artists.
A few months ago I released my second EP, RAICES and I just finished a mini tour of Spain, and I am experiencing what I like to call the “Hannah Montana complex”. Do you know the song from The best of both worlds? Sometimes I feel I’m living the opposite, The worst of both worlds. I'm working all day so I’m able to make music, record a video clip, or invest in new material... And what I earn doesn't even cover what I spent on making the project (not even remotely, really). It has taken me a long time to call my music “work”, even though I don't make a living from it, but in the end it is work, in fact it is a lot of work. And if we call it that, it is very hard to want to finish working so you can keep working when you’re over, but it is what almost all emerging artists do and sometimes people are not aware of it.
Many times I ask myself: Who am I doing this for? Do I do it for myself or for other people? Because in my case, I use music, both my own and that of other artists, as therapy. If I wake up sad I'm not going to hear the same thing as if I'm having a happy day... Or if I'm taking a walk to clear my head I'm not going to hear the same thing as getting ready to go out on a weekend (even though I no longer remember what it's like to go out). For me, it's the same with my music. If I'm sad I need to make sad music to get rid of my depression, if I'm super happy I want to write about what makes me happy to capture it and remind myself of it next time I'm sad. But... If I do this for myself, as therapy and a way of self-discovery, and not for strictly commercial purposes, why do I care so much what other people think about what I do? Why am I worried that no one will listen to me?
Obviously, I’d love to make a living from music, my only concern would be to experiment with new instruments or styles and spend the day recording or planning where to play next and those sorts of things, but at the same time, I don't want to stop being faithful to what I do... In my case, leaving aside the style (because in the end, there is always someone who will like your style, whatever it may be) I love writing in English, because I have always listened to music in English, because I like it better how my voice sounds in English and because it seems more melodic to me, I just write like that, it's not something I force myself to do. This seems to be a problem for many people in Spain. At every concert, there is someone who tells me: “Girl, I wish you would sing in Spanish so I could understand what you are saying”, and I think it is super nice on one hand, and I get the intention, but on the other hand, Do I have to write in Spanish when it doesn't work for me just so people listen to me? Do I have to force myself into make people happy or do I have to be true to myself?
Another super fun thing about being an emerging artist is the fact that you spend 100% of your “free” time, energy and money on your projects and of course, people are generally used to more established artists with a bigger budget, who can afford to be releasing material or touring constantly, however, for you, an emerging artist, making an EP of 6 songs and 18 minutes takes 2 years of work (and all your savings from those 2 years). When you finally finish the project that has cost you everything and that you are almost disgusted with already, people come (obviously in good faith) and say: “Hey, that was cool, when will you release the next thing?” (screams in emerging artist).
And if on good days you wonder what you can do to reach more people, you post things on social media to promote yourself, you remind your followers of all your past work and you hype up future ones, etc. On bad days (and I personally have many of these) is when you ask yourself: Am I good enough? Maybe I'm not getting anywhere because I'm just no good, maybe I'm wasting all this time, money and energy and it's really not worth it…
When doubts assail you, my advice is to lean on the people who love you, don't assume their opinion is worthless just because they love you and, what is most important, let yourself be supported too. It is very difficult to work all day and come home very tired to continue with your project, and it's very easy to lose hope and leave what you are doing halfway. But when you find yourself wondering if you're good enough, or who you're doing this for, or what you're going to do next, remember why you started doing it, respect everything you've done so far, and, above all, see it through till the end, and you’ll see what comes next…
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